Live-In Granddaughter

By Peter Gardner

Several years ago, my granddaughter came to live with us. She was fourteen at the time, and her mother (my daughter) had been through some very rough times with her husband and then another boyfriend after that. The tragedy was what they put this little girl through. Her husband had thrown them out of the house with nowhere to go. He had mentally abused her, and now had humiliated her. My daughter did not want to move back with us at the time because of all the bad things she had been through in our little town, so she went to stay with my sister-in-law. She caused problems there, and ended up with a guy who took her back down the path of drugs. My granddaughter despised the man, and finally had had enough. She constantly fought with her mother, had severe depression, and had no sense of responsibility for her behavior. We had plenty of room in our house and agreed she could stay with us indefinitely. We laid down some rules and hoped for the best.

I remembered when she was just 3 or 4 years old and started to play board games. My daughter was playing Chutes and Ladders with her one day and would not make her follow the rules. Kay (I will call her) was allowed to make her own rules. I told my daughter this was a mistake, and that learning to play by the rules was important for a young child, but like most children, my daughter thought she knew better. Need I say that Kay became a very spoiled child. Lay on top of that the fact that my daughter would tell her no, or that she would get punished, but never followed through on anything. Kay got her way all the time, through temper tantrums and insistence on things. She also became a master at manipulating people to see things her way. Once they were on their own again, my daughter decided it was now time to enforce the rules strictly. You can guess how that turned out. Kay always loved her Mimi and Papa, so she was glad to move in with us.

Things went well at first, but slowly she began slipping back into that place where she felt sorry for herself and was very depressed. She threatened suicide a few times, and we took her to the emergency room. There they usually determined she was not a threat to harm herself and sent us home with her. We just loved her. She disobeyed the rules, and we just loved her. We determined in ourselves that what she needed was a loving home, and not somebody riding her all the time. She had had enough of that through the years. She was so moody, being lovable one minute and a terror the next. We let her paint her room to her satisfaction and did all we could to keep her in school with passing grades. She did not want to be there. She pushed friends away most of the time and had only one strong friendship. But slowly we saw progress. She was maturing and thinking better of herself. She started talking to her mom again on the phone, where before she wanted nothing to do with her. She helped around the house and at least went to school.

Finally, after almost two years with us, she reunited with her mom and moved back home. They have had their ups and downs, but she is much more productive and not nearly as volatile.  She has lived with her mom for the last 3 years and will soon be moving into her own place with some friends. She is happy most of the time. She has always been a very smart child, and I know she will do well in life. We were glad she came to live with us, because, even though we had some very rocky times, she has made it through the most challenging times in her life. I believe it has helped prepare her for a future that certainly will hold more trials.

My point in writing this is to say that many grandparents are taking care of their grandchildren in this day and age for a large variety of reasons. If you are faced with this situation, know it will not be a breeze, and tough times will come. If you approach it with the love you have in your heart for your grandchild and learn twice the patience you had when you had your own children, you will help them discover that life can be a blessing. They will turn out to be a blessing to you in return.

Peter Gardner, is an author, writer and cancer survivor. He is a vivid writer including his book “The A.S.K. Principal”, written while going through cancer, is a very thorough study on developing a more effective prayer life. A second book, A Stroll with the Psalmist: Uplifting Poetry for Everyday Life is one of poetry. Be sure to check out his website/blog with links to his other websites. At 72, Peter stays busy as a professional insurance agent, an associate in a local hardware store, prep work at a restaurant, and is a cartographer. He and his wife, Janeen live in a small town in Iowa and have been married for 45+ years. They have 3 daughters, 7 grandchildren and are welcoming their first great-grandchild in 2024. His life is full! 

Image byWisanuwech Kaewsil a from Pixabay