You’ve been lied to about kindness.
Culture told you it means being soft, agreeable, and never rocking the boat. Churches sometimes preach a version of kindness that looks more like cowardice than Christlikeness. You’ve watched men mistake niceness for godliness, and you’ve seen how that ends—walked over, disrespected, and spiritually impotent.
Real kindness doesn’t bow to anyone except Jesus.
Biblical kindness is strength under control. Power harnessed for someone else’s good. Conviction wrapped in compassion. Jesus flipped tables when holiness demanded it, then washed feet when humility called for it. He never sacrificed truth to keep the peace, and He never wielded truth like a weapon to wound the broken.
That’s the standard.
Most of us aren’t even close. I’ve snapped at my wife over dishes left in the sink. Lost my patience with my kids when they interrupted my “important” work. Brushed past opportunities to serve because I was too tired, too stressed, too buried under my own weight. Sound familiar?
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32, NIV).
Notice the command isn’t conditional. God didn’t say, “Be kind when you feel like it” or “Be compassionate after you’ve fixed your own life.” He said be kind because Christ was kind to you first. Your kindness flows from His, not from your circumstances.
Here’s the truth: if your faith doesn’t make you kinder, it’s not actually transforming you. Theology that stays in your head and never reaches your hands isn’t theology—it’s trivia. You can know every doctrine, quote every verse, and still be a jerk your family dreads coming home to.
Kindness isn’t optional in the life of a disciple. It’s the fruit that proves the root is alive.
This isn’t about becoming a doormat. It’s about becoming dangerous in the best way—so full of Christ’s love that you can absorb someone’s anger without retaliating, speak truth without crushing, and lead without dominating. That kind of man changes everything around him.
Let me show you how to get there.
Why Kindness Feels Impossible
Kindness sounds great in theory.
Then your alarm goes off after four hours of broken sleep. Your body aches. Coffee doesn’t touch the fog in your head. You drag yourself through another day where everything feels like a negotiation—your boss wants more, your wife needs more, your kids demand more, and you’ve got nothing left to give.
Someone cuts you off in traffic, and rage flashes hot. Your son spills juice on the carpet, and the words that come out aren’t patient. Your wife asks a simple question, and you snap because it’s the fifteenth question today and you just want five minutes of silence.
Later, the guilt hits. You’re a Christian. You know better.
What’s wrong with you? Nothing, actually. You’re exhausted.
Research on chronic stress reveals something critical: sustained cortisol elevation—the kind you get from poor sleep, constant pressure, and physical neglect—directly impairs your capacity for empathy and prosocial behavior (Smeets et al., 2009, Psychoneuroendocrinology). Your nervous system gets stuck in survival mode. When your brain perceives threat constantly, it shuts down the circuits responsible for patience, perspective-taking, and compassion. You’re not choosing to be unkind. Your biology is hijacking your character.
Add 30+ pounds of extra weight, chronic inflammation, blood sugar swings, and hormonal chaos, and you’ve got a man running on fumes trying to act like Christ. It doesn’t work. You can’t white-knuckle your way to fruit of the Spirit when your body is screaming for help.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30, NIV).
Jesus isn’t asking you to conjure kindness out of emptiness. He’s inviting you to rest first. Receive first. Be filled first. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you can’t give kindness you’ve never received.
Kindness doesn’t start with trying harder. It starts with admitting you’re weary, burdened, and desperately in need of what only Christ can give. Until you let Him bear the weight, you’ll keep crushing everyone around you under it.
Stop blaming yourself for failing at kindness when you’re running on three hours of sleep and a diet of stress and sugar. Start addressing the root. Jesus offers rest for your soul. You need to offer rest for your body, too. Both matter. Both are part of stewarding the vessel God gave you to love others well.
Kindness isn’t impossible. You’re just trying to build it on a foundation of exhaustion. Let’s fix the foundation first.
What the Bible Actually Says About Kindness
Kindness Is Not Weakness—It’s Controlled Power
Let’s clear something up right now.
Kindness in Scripture has nothing to do with being a pushover. The Greek word Paul uses in Colossians 3:12 is chrēstotēs—it means usefulness, moral goodness, and integrity in action. This isn’t about being nice so people like you. It’s about being good because God is good, and His goodness now lives in you.
Look at what Paul writes:
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (Colossians 3:12-14, NIV).
Notice the order. Paul starts by reminding you who you are—chosen, holy, dearly loved. Identity comes first. You don’t act kind to become loved by God. You act kind because you already are. This is crucial. Men who don’t know they’re loved by God will constantly perform for approval—from their wives, their kids, their churches, even from God Himself. That performance always crumbles under pressure.
Kindness flows from security, not insecurity.
When you know you’re chosen, you stop needing everyone’s validation. That you’re holy—set apart, made new—you stop defending your ego every time someone criticizes you. When you know you’re dearly loved, you can absorb someone’s anger without retaliating because your worth isn’t on trial.
Paul then tells you to clothe yourself with these virtues. Clothing is intentional. You don’t accidentally get dressed in the morning. You choose what you wear. Same with kindness. It’s a daily decision to put on the character of Christ, not a feeling you wait around to experience.
Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience—these aren’t personality traits you’re born with. They’re spiritual garments you wear by the power of the Holy Spirit. Some days they fit easier than others. Some days you have to wrestle them on. But every day, you choose.
Here’s where most men get tripped up: they think kindness means letting people walk all over them. Absolutely not. Jesus was the kindest man who ever lived, and He never let sin go unchallenged. Kindness doesn’t ignore wrong—it addresses wrong with the goal of restoration, not destruction.
Boundaries are kind. Saying no is kind. Confronting sin is kind. Discipline is kind. What’s unkind is enabling someone’s destruction because you’re too cowardly to speak the truth. Letting your kids run wild because you don’t want the conflict. Or watching your friend spiral into addiction and saying nothing because “it’s not my place.”
Real kindness is costly. It risks rejection. Endures misunderstanding. And requires courage.
Weakness, on the other hand, just wants everyone to be comfortable so conflict goes away. That’s not kindness. That’s cowardice wearing a Christian T-shirt.
This is “Part One.” Check “Part Two” out tomorrow!
Tyler Inloes is a graduate of California State University, Northridge and a Certified Personal Trainer & Fitness Nutrition Specialist. He grew up as a “Chunky Christian.” To solve his personal weight problem, he turned to God and the Bible for help. His goal is now to help believers reach their full potential – both physically & spiritually by teaching us how the journey to a healthier body and a closer relationship with God go hand in hand. His mission is to help us transform our bodies into the temple God designed it to be, so that we can live our God given purpose. Tyler is married and has two children. When he is not training, he enjoys family, playing basketball with his son, or Disney Princess with his daughter. He also enjoys a well-deserved date night with his wife as much as possible. To find out more about Tyler please visit his website.
Photo by ChatGPT
Love this ! Just to support that sympathy is weakness and kindness is a reflection of divine Love, an essential, inherent quality of God’s spiritual man, expressed through calm, unselfish, tender, and steadfast actions that heal and uplift, rather than mere sentimentality or human effort.
Your friend – His servant,
Isaac Otieno