If your child was asked this question, how do you think they’d respond?
“Do you think that your mom and dad will stay together forever, no matter what?”
In today’s culture, many kids are being raised without the confidence of knowing that mom and dad are in it for the long haul.
In fact, many of them can only hope from day to day that their parents’ relationship will stay solid.
God’s plan for children is that their family be a place where they find their greatest security.
And what every child wants, needs, and deserves is a family, and specifically parents, that stay together through thick and thin.
Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Separation and divorce happen, even in Christian homes. And if it’s happened in yours, don’t allow the past to keep you from being all that God intends for you to be as a parent now.
And if you’re remarried, it’s just as important now that you strive to make the marriage you’re in successful for the long haul. (For some encouragement, read, “Oh no, Jesus was a stepchild.”)
In our family growing up, there were some definite rough patches when mom and dad could have thrown in the towel, but I’m thankful that they never did, no matter how hard things got.
I can honestly look back and say, that in my mind as a child, even when I knew things were bad, I never even considered the possibility that one of my parents would quit on each other.
“Of all the things in life that are uncertain for a child, family should never be one of them.”
Parents are the cornerstone of the home. Home is to be the safe place for every child – the one place in life that they know they can count on to be solid no matter what. Every child in the world deserves the right to know that mom and dad are together forever.
When kids have the reassurance that mom and dad are together forever, it provides these things:
1. STABILITY IN THE HOME
Very simply, a child who is raised with stability in the home has an easier time growing up with stability in their life.
According to statistics from Child Trends – The number and type of parents in the household, as well as the relationship between the parents, are consistently linked to a child’s well-being. Among young children, those living with no biological parents, or in single parent households are less likely than children with two biological parents to exhibit behavioral self-control, and more likely to be exposed to high levels of aggravated parenting, than are children living with two biological parents.
Children living with two married adults (biological or adoptive parents) have, in general, better health… and fewer emotional or behavioral problems than children living in other types of families.
Among children in two-parent families, those living with both biological parents in a low-conflict marriage tend to do better on a host of outcomes than those living in step parent families, including higher academic performance, social achievement, and psychological adjustment.
Bottom line – committed marriage relationships produce stability on all levels in children’s lives.
When kids know mom and dad are together forever, it also provides…
2. AN EXAMPLE OF BIBLICAL MARRIAGE
God created marriage for keeps – one man, one woman, for one lifetime. And not just for the benefit of the husband and wife, but for the benefit of the children as well. Kids need to know that regardless of what happens, good or bad, mom and dad are committed to each other for life.
Kids also need to see and understand that their parents are committed to doing things God’s way, because when they don’t, the consequences can be devastating. Those who have been through divorce know the pain for both them and their children, and would never want that for their children’s future marriages.
According to Christina Steinorth, author of “Cue Cards for Life: Thoughtful Tips for Better Relationships”, it’s no secret that children of divorced parents are more likely to get divorced. According to Steinorth, studies indicate that daughters of divorced parents have a 60% higher divorce rate in marriage, and sons have a 35% higher divorce rate. “Part of the reason is that when parents are divorced, it seems to send a message in a non-direct way that divorce is acceptable,” she says.
What our kids need to see is an example of biblical marriage patterned after God’s design.
3. A PATTERN WORTH FOLLOWING
The benefits of children being raised in a home with parents in a committed marital relationship are many, but one of the greatest benefits is that they are more likely to follow the pattern set for them by their parents and have a successful marriage themselves.
While there’s no 100% money back guarantee, here’s the #1 best way to guarantee that your kids will have a successful marriage someday… Model One For Them!
Make Marriage Look Good by visualizing for your kids the type of marriage they’ll want to have someday for themselves – two people committed to and enjoying one life. Together. Forever.
Parents, staying together both while your kids are still at home as well as after they leave greatly impacts your children. If you can’t remember the last time you’ve verbally reassured your kids of your life-long love for and commitment to one another, maybe it’s time. Your kids need to know that you are together, forever.
And if you are raising children as a single parent, or in a second marriage, intentionally help your kids know that God’s grace is always greater than our past, and help them learn from your mistakes so that they don’t have to repeat them.
Andrew Linderis a husband, the father of four awesome kids, and a children’s pastor at a thriving church. He is the founder of GodlyParent.comand is passionate about intentional parenting and helping other parents and leaders effectively reach the next generation. He is also the author of the new book, “Godly Parenting In An Ungodly World: How to raise not just good but godly kids through heart-driven grace-based parenting.”
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Books by Andrew Linder:
Well stated, Just to endorse that The Bible assures us in many ways that God alone is the source of good. Christ Jesus brought this to light during a conversation he had with a young man who had come to him with a weighty question about eternal life. The man addressed Jesus as “good Master.” Before Jesus got to the heart of the question, he corrected the man by saying, “Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God” (Matt. 19:16, 17).
This correction established the standard for all time on where to seek and find good. Goodness belongs entirely to and comes solely from God. It never has its source in any person, regardless of how special or closely related he or she may be. And, because God is Spirit, good must be spiritual. The love we feel from God—the joy, honesty, and goodness we see in others and feel ourselves—is real, substantial good.
A misconception of what real good is and where it comes from prevents one from finding permanent, forever-secure good. It was this misconception of good that kept the young man from following Jesus and finding the everlasting good he’d come looking for. The Bible tells us that, when asked by Jesus to sell his personal possessions and give to the poor in order to have “treasure in heaven,” he went away sorrowing because he had great possessions (see Matt. 19:21, 22).
As we glimpse the spiritual nature of good, we also begin to see the permanence of good. The Bible tells us, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning” (James 1:17)
Your Friend -His servant,
Isaac Otieno