A few months ago, I somehow completely missed celebrating an important milestone in my life.

Forty years ago this past March I became a father. Although I have reflected and written on my ten years as a grandfather and have posted a few articles about parenting in general, such as “The Hard Work of Being a Good Father” and a helpful four-part series on parenting adult children, I have not taken the time to summarize the joys, challenges, and blessings of being a dad.

This article is long overdue. It ties in well with the life messages God has laid on my heart for a long time, many of which I have addressed in the 400 articles I have written and posted on my blog. Here, I want to share some of my thoughts and feelings when my children were born, highlights of fatherhood during each stage of development, and being a dad to adult children.

The arrivals of my daughter and sons

Being that I have forgotten most of the details of the births of my children, I am going to borrow some excerpts from an unfinished memoir I began to write in 1997, entitled, The Spark is Still There. Here, I captured some of what was going through my head when my children were born.

For our daughter’s birth, I wrote, “She was so beautiful and healthy, perfect in every way. Linda handled the whole thing with amazing strength and patience; I was so proud of her. I was also quite thankful to the Lord that all went well. Being there was an unbelievable experience. I got to be the one to say, ‘It’s a girl!’ The doctor let me cut the umbilical cord. I recorded the event on cassette tape, and took bunches of pictures. I made phone calls to family. I held my precious baby every chance I got. I was the happiest daddy in the maternity ward. I sure was blessed to have this gift of love, and she was ours to keep!”

Three years later, we were blessed with a son. This is how I described it: “Linda’s delivery went fine, but our new baby boy had some serious problems right from the start. He ended up being rushed to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at a hospital in Savannah, where he stayed several days. When they took him away in the ambulance, our family was spread out in four different directions at one time. My wife was still in the hospital at Fort Stewart. Our daughter was staying with friends and was later passed around to two other families to share the burden. I got to follow behind the ambulance in our car. When I got to the hospital, I was a wreck. I just wanted to be with my son. When I was finally able to see him, I noticed that he was a lot bigger than the other teeny babies, and the nurses seemed to think he would be just fine.”

Our third child (and second son) was born three years after his brother. My heart was equally blessed by his grand entrance into the world. “This baby wasn’t due until mid-March; however, things don’t always go as planned. The first week of February 1991, I had just returned from a company training exercise in California. A couple of days later, my wife went into labor, five weeks early. It was good timing. He was born on his birthday during an emergency C-Section that was more than a little traumatic for all concerned. Being premature, he had to be kept on a respirator for a little while. He suffered from various ailments for several months. It was a trying season, but the Lord got us through it. He has been completely normal and healthy ever since.”

Fatherhood during each stage of development

Although I embraced my new role as a father with enthusiasm, I had an awful lot to learn. My wife taught me so much about how to take care of our infant daughter properly. I put in the time and joyfully did the work because I knew she needed it. Meeting my daughter’s physical needs to be fed, changed, and held put a whole new spin on Jesus’s command to love my neighbor.

Those early days with my three children as they joined our family one by one are a blur. I do recall thinking that the second child was somewhat easier than the first because I knew what I was doing. However, as he grew, and his strong-willed personality came out, it was discovery learning all over again. Each day brought new challenges that I sometimes failed to handle well.

My wife and I made it up as we went along, day by day, year after year. After we figured them out as babies, they became toddlers, so we had new things to learn. Before we knew it, they were preschoolers. The elementary years were fun, but we blinked twice and they were preteens then teens. We survived those stages, with each one following in their older siblings’ footsteps.

Like my own father, I deliberately set out to guide my children when they were in high school to become responsible, independent, and compassionate young adults. I taught them how to drive, which I enjoyed. I was heavily involved in their decision on where they would go to college. I was eager to equip them with both roots and wings. It was not easy to see them leave the nest, but it was the right thing for them. They had to transition from obeying their parents to honoring us. Needless to say, all of my children flourished in college and beyond. I am so proud of them.

Being a father to adult children

As I mentioned in my introduction above, I have written extensively on the subject of parenting adult children. If you have time, I encourage you to check out my four-part series from several years ago, or take a glance at an article I posted on my blog last Christmas on this vital topic.

Since our first-born was the first to leave the nest in 2003, the reality is that my wife and I have actually had more time relating to her and her brother as an adult than as a child. I am so grateful to report that my job as a father did not end when they left home. However, it did change.

My role as a father did not lose its significance, even though my kids have families and homes of their own. All of them are married to wonderful spouses, who know they have our blessing. We did not lose our daughter and two sons; we gained a son-in-law and two daughters-in-law. We don’t wait until they come to our home, we visit them at theirs. We say, “Come when you can and stay as long as you like.” They know they are always welcome, but their family comes first.

Only one of them lives fairly close, which is a challenge. They live two, four, and eight hours away, but we see them often. As they settled down in their respective college or grad school communities, got jobs, made friends, found churches, and had children, they still made time to attend graduations, weddings, events, family reunions, and funerals. Each of them sacrificially travelled here for major holidays, splitting their time as appropriate with their in-laws as well.

By the grace of God, despite my many faults as a father of young children, I now have great joy knowing that the biblical principles I intentionally lived out and taught them have impacted their lives. By being an authentic Christian who taught more by my actions than by my words, they know what being a Christian looks like. By being a loving husband to their mother for almost 45 years, they know what a Christian marriage looks like. As I loved them deeply, they now love their own children. For future reference, they also know what godly grandparents look like.

Challenging conclusion

I trust that this brief reflection on my forty-year journey as a father which took my readers less than ten minutes to read was encouraging, no matter where they are in your own parenting path.

If you are a young mom or dad, know that the days may be long, but the years go by quickly. Keep on doing what you know from God’s Word and what your heart is telling you to do. Work hard in every phase of development to be interested and involved in their lives so that when they leave home, you will still have the privilege to keep that going for the rest of your lives.

For those who are struggling to remain close to your teenagers or are estranged from your adult children, I encourage you to repair the bridges that may have been damaged or burned. Pray and work humbly for reconciliation and restoration. Entrust them to the perfect Father, who can influence them more lovingly and faithfully than you ever could. If they know Jesus as their Savior and Lord, they are His children, not just yours; they are your brothers or sisters in Christ.

One last word for my children, which you might wish to express to your own: “How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy we have in the presence of our God because of you?” (1 Thes. 3:9.)

Russell E. Gehrlein holds a B.S from Colorado State University and an M.A. from Grand Rapids Theological Seminary. A retired Master Sergeant, he continues to serve the U.S. Army in a civilian capacity. He and his wife of 43 years live in Missouri and enjoy spending time with their grandchildren. To read more of his work please visit Reflections on Theological Topics of Interest.

Image by DeepAi