The Centrality Of The Gospel In Marriage Part 2

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THE GOSPEL POWER IN MARRIAGE

Why did the Holy Spirit lead the Apostle Paul to command, “Wives, submit to your own husbands” (Ephesians 5:22)? Where is the Christian wife going to get the power – the ability – to submit to her husband’s leadership? I mean, he’s so imperfect! There are so many “what ifs” that can come to the Christian wife’s mind. “What if I think he’s making the wrong decision?” “What if he just won’t lead?” Submitting to the leadership of an imperfect husband can make a woman feel so insecure, so . . . vulnerable. 

And, why did the Holy Spirit move upon Paul to direct, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25)? The Holy Spirit could have zeroed in on Christ’s authority as “Head” of the church. That would have been doctrinally legitimate — and may have fed the cravings of power-hungry men! But, He didn’t. He zeroed in on husbands loving their wives in Christlike sacrificial, unconditional, voluntary ways. Where is the husband going to get the power to love His wife in such a way? I mean, she’s so imperfect! There are so many “what ifs” that can come to the Christian husband’s mind. “What if she doesn’t respect me?” “What if she doesn’t love me back?” Loving an imperfect wife can make a husband feel so incompetent, so . . . frustrated.

So, what’s the answer? What difference does the gospel make in the marriage of two imperfect, saved sinners? How can the gospel supply the power to have a Christ-reflecting marriage?

Think of it this way: The gospel empowers a Christian woman to more clearly represent the bride of Christ – the church – as she remembers that her ministry of supporting her husband’s leadership is “as to the Lord”(Ephesians 5:22). As Paul said in the previous verse, her submission is “out of reverence for Christ”(Ephesians 5:21). The Christian wife recalls that because Jesus Christ lived the perfect life of submission to His heavenly Father, because Jesus Christ died to pay the penalty of her sins and because Jesus Christ rose from the dead as proof that His work on her behalf was satisfactory to the Father, she is now a recipient of God’s amazing grace. This gospel reminds her that she is now a forgiven, much-loved daughter of the High King of heaven. No longer is she an object of God’s holy wrath. God is no longer frowning at her. No, because of Jesus Christ, the Heavenly Father smiles at her 24/7. As His precious, redeemed daughter the Christian wife rests in the “safety” of the gospel and can support her husband’s leadership “as to the Lord.” The gospel gives her the power to represent Christ’s bride in the marriage relationship, even when her husband is “husbanding” in a less than ideal manner.

Similarly, the gospel empowers the Christian husband to more clearly reflect Christ as he loves His wife in a Christlike way. Loving in a Christ-mirroring way goes against the stream of our carnality, requiring us to turn afresh to our Savior for His freely offered grace. And that is just where He wants us — depending on and enjoying His grace as we live every day in the context of our marriages. Gary Ricucci, co-author of Love that Lasts, explains, it comes down to this: we can love and lead our wives because, and only because, Christ first loved us (Galatians 2:20). “Our role originates in the gospel, is empowered by the gospel, and is perfect through the gospel. We can love and lead our wives because our Savior, Jesus Christ, loved us, gave himself up for us, and leads us each day in mercy and grace” (emphasis added).

If love were like life-giving water that we husbands are to be giving to our thirsty wives, then where do we get our own “water tanks” filled? Let’s be candid. For many of us, our own spiritual and emotional tanks are running on empty. What do we tend to do when we are told to love our wives while our own tanks are nearly dry? Using our own particular schemes and tactics, we carnally try to pressure or manipulate our wives to pour love into our tanks so that we can feel adequate in dispensing some love back to them. If they do not or cannot meet our demands, we defend our own lack of showing love, doing what we can to shift the blame to the failures of our wives to adequately love us. Sadly, the end result is that both husband and wife run low on love, each failing to pour love into the other’s life in sufficient quantities to have enough love to give back. The bottom line, brothers, is that we cannot and should not depend on our wives to be the primary fillers of our “love tanks.” The gospel power to love our wives is simple, yet profound. “We love [our wives] because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).

Recommended resources on Gospel-Centered Marriages:

1. When Sinners Say “I Do” by Dave Harvey
2. Love that Lasts by Gary and Betsy Ricucci
3. Loving Your Wife as Christ Loves the Church by Larry E. McCall
4. Each for the Other by Bryan and Kathy Chapell

1. D. M. Lloyd-Jones, Life in the Spirit: An Exposition of Ephesians 5:18 to 6:9 (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Book House, 1973), 184.
2. Harold W. Hoehner, Ephesians: An Exegetical Commentary (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Academic, 2002), 775-776.
3. John Piper, Lionhearted and Lamblike: The Christian Husband as Head, Part 1, Ephesians 5:21-5:33, a sermon preached at Bethlehem Baptist Church of Minneapolis, MN, March 2007.

Larry McCall, the author of Grandparenting with Grace: Living the Gospel with Next Generation as well as Loving Your Wife as Christ Loves the Church and Walking Like Jesus serves as the director of Walking Like Jesus Ministries. Larry was gripped by God’s saving grace at an early age and had the amazing privilege of being discipled by his parents and by other mentors in his home church. In 1975 Larry married Gladine, his sweetheart since high school days. They have three married children and seven much-loved grandchildren. Larry has had the joy of serving on the pastoral team of Christ’s Covenant Church of Winona Lake, Indiana since 1981. He is a graduate of Grace College, Grace Theological Seminary and has a Doctor of Ministry degree from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He gets his batteries charged in serving Christ’s followers through his speaking and writing ministry, helping them see in clear, practical, gospel-centered ways how to pursue Christ and reflect him in daily life. 

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